Homer Simpson. The single funniest individual who never really existed. No one alive comes close to the comic genius that is Homer Simpson. So who more deserving to be immortalized on literally thousands of web pages? In a recent survey sponsered by the American Society for Tracking Useless Information, it was determined that Homer Simpson uses up more bandwidth than NATO.

So, scroll down the page, and check out the sounds (with assorted pictures, naturally).

Mmmmm, 64 slices of American chese. (50 K)

Mmmmm, I can feel 3 kinds of softness. (47 K)

Mmmmm, beer. (27 K)

Mmmmm, beernuts. (19 K)

Mmmmm, burger. (22 K)

Mmmmm, chicken. (26 K)

Mmmmm, chocolate. (31 K)

Mmmmm, crumbled up cookie things. (39 K)

Mmmmm, donuts. (31 K)

Mmmmm, unprocessed fish sticks. (41 K)

Mmmmm, grapefruit. (24 K)

Mmmmm, hog fat. (26 K)

Mmmmm, pie. (27 K)

Mmmmm, potato chips. (36 K)

Mmmmm, purple. (22 K)

Mmmmm, sacrelicious. (40 K)

Mmmmm, salty. (16 K)

Mmmmm, open-faced club sand wedge. (49 K)

Mmmmm, shrimp. (21 K)

Mmmmm, slanty. (32 K)

Mmmmm, something. (28 K)

Mmmmm, gummy beer. (27 K)

Mmmmm, invisible cola. (64 K)

No, my cookie! (73 K)

Homer: All right brain, you don't like me and I don't like you. But lets just do this, and I can get back to killing you with beer.
Brain: Its a deal! (103 K)

Aw, there's only one can of beer left, and its Barts. (63 K)

Ah, excuse me, Professor Braniac. (29 K)

Computers can do that?!? (24 K) - A personal favorite!

Kiss my curvy butt goodbye! (26 K)

Doh! (5 K) - A must have!

Doh'eth! (8 K) - Medieval Homer!

Pbbbllt - English, who needs that? I'm never going to England. (75 K)

(Homer, mispronouncing Uraguay) You are gay. Heheheh! (31 K)

Homer: Heheheh.
Brain: There it is Homer. The cleverest thing you'll ever say and nobody heard it.
Homer: Doh! (62 K)

The girls of the Internet. Ooo, I'd go online with them anyday! (35 K)

If you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They're about to announce the lottery numbers (105 K)

No time for that now! The computer's starting! (22 K)

Homer: No TV and no beer make Homer...something, something.
Marge: Go crazy?
Homer: Don't mind if I do! (makes various nutty noises) (191 K)

Homer: Y'know, one day, honest citizens are gonna stand up to you crooked cops!
Wiggum: They are? Oh no, have they set a date? (89 K)

You don't know what its like. I'm the one out there every day putting his ass on the line. And I'm not out of order. You're out of order! The whole freakin' system is out of order! You want the truth? You want the truth? YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH! 'Cause when you reach over and put your hand into a pile of goo that was your best friend's face, you'll know what to do. Forget it Marge, its Chinatown! (199 K) - A must have!

Welcome to the Internet my friend. How can I help you? (58 K)

That kid's got bosoms! (32 K)

Homer: Here are your messages: you have 30 minutes to move your car; you have 10 minutes; your car has been impounded; your car has been crushed into a cube; you have 30 minutes to move your cube. [phone rings] Yello, Mr. Burns office.
Burns: Is it about my cube? (162 K)

To start, press any key. Where's the 'any' key? I see "ESC", "CTAREL" and "PIG UP". There doesn't seem to be any "any" key! (78 K)

Shut up brain, or I'll stab you with a Q-tip! (16 K)

Unknown: Hello chief, let's talk, why not?
Homer: Uh, hello? Why am I Mr. Sparkle?
Unknown: You like Mr. Sparkle?
Homer: Well, I am Mr. Sparkle.
Unknown:You have many questions Mr. Sparkle. I send you premium, answer question 100%
Homer: Ooooo! (306 K) - a big one, but worth the download!

Cop: Now, when I say "Hello, Mr. Thompson" and press down on your foot, you smile and nod.
Homer: No problem.
Cop: Hello Mr. Thompson.
Homer: I think he's talking to you. (153 K) - A must have!

I like my beer cold, my TV loud, and my homosexuals flaming! (64 K)

Homer: Hello, is this NASA?
NASA Guy: Yes.
Homer: Good. Listen, I'm sick of your boring space launches! Now, I'm just an ordinary blue-collar slob, but I know what I likes on TV!
NASA Guy: How did you get this number?
Homer: Shut up! And another thing, how come I can't get no Tang around here? And also....hold on a second [toilet flushes]. (219 K)

Lisa: Dad, why are you singing?
Homer: Tell a lie, tell a lie!Umm, because I have a small role in a Broadway musical. Its not much, but its a start. Bravo - clap, clap, clap. (170 K)

Vendor: Mountain Dew or crab juice?
Homer: Blech! Ewww, jeez! I'll take a crab juice. (78.8 K)

Bart, you didn't finish your spaghetti and Moe balls! [Silence, you fool! It can be ours!] (63 K)

See you in hell, candy boys! (59 K)

Lisa: Dad, we did something very bad!
Homer: Did you wreck the car?
Bart: No.
Homer: Did you raise the dead?
Lisa: Yes!
Homer: But the car's okay?
Lisa & Bart: Uh huh.
Homer: All right then. (90 K)

Dean: [answers phone] Hello.
Homer: Hello, Dean? You're a stupid-head.
Dean: Homer, is that you?
Homer: Aaagh! (74 K)

Dear Baby, welcome to Dumpsville. Population - you. (60 K)

Happy Dude Automated Message: Greetings, Friend. Do you wish to look as happy as me? Well, you've got the power inside you right now! So use it! And send one dollar to Happy Dude, 742 Evergreen Terrace, Springfield. Don't delay, eternal happiness is just a dollar away! (369 K)

Sorry Dude Automated Message: Hello, this is Homer Simpson, aka, Happy Dude! The court has ordered me to call every person in town, to apologize for my telemarketing scam. I'm sorry. If you can find it in your heart to forgive me, send one dollar to: Sorry Dude, 742 Evergreen Terrace, Springfield. You have the power! (469 K)

Dr. Hibbert: ah, you can expect to go through five stages. The first is denial-
Homer: No way, because I'm not dying!
Dr. Hibbert: Second is anger.
Homer" Why you little...
Dr. Hibbert: After that, comes fear.
Homer: What's after fear? What's after fear?
Dr. Hibbert: Bargaining.
Homer: Doc, ya gotta get me outta this! I'll make it worth your while.
Dr. Hibbert: And finally, acceptance.
Homer: Well, we all gotta go sometime.
Dr. Hibbert: Mr. Simpson, your progress astounds me! (161 K)

Dear Homer, I owe you one emergency donut, signed Homer. Bastard! He's always one step ahead! (36 K)

Oooo, erotic cakes! (25 K)

Forget it, pal! They don't call me Colonel Homer 'cause I'm some dumb-ass army guy. (34 K) - A personal favourite!

Homer: That's why I need a name that's cutting edge, like Cutco, Edgecom.....Interslice. C'mon Marge, you're good at these, help me out.
Marge: How about OmniGlobalHyperMegaNet?
Homer: Fine, its not important. (115 K)

I probably shouldn't have eaten that packet of powdered gravy I found in the parking lot. (24 K)

Homer: Listen to me, Mr. Bigshot. If you're looking for the kind of employee who takes abuse, and never sticks up for himself, I'M YOUR MAN! You can treat me like dirt, and I'll still kiss your butt and call it ice cream. And if you don't like it, I CAN CHANGE!
Burns: The phone, Smithers. I like your attitude. Feisty, yet spineless. (158 K)

Homer: Hello, my name is Mr. Burns. I believe you have a letter for me.
Post Office Guy: Ok, Mr. Burns. Ah, what's your first name?
Homer: I don't know. (117 K)

Marge: Why do you have so many bowling balls?
Homer: Ah, I'm not gonna lie to you, Marge. So long! (81 K)

Clerk: There you go. And I assume you've read the boat safety manual.
Homer: Oh, yeah, couldn't put it down. C'mon boy, lets get me a six pack.
Clerk: Ah, sir, you can't operate a boat under the influence of alcohol.
Homer: That sounds like a wager to me! (133 K)

I know you can read my thoughts, boy. Meow meow meow meow. (89 K)

Hello, Mr. Burns? This is your mother. (38 K)

Homer" You see, when I get bored, I make up my own movies. I have a very short attention span.
Cultist: But our point is very simple. You see -
Homer: Oh, look, a bird! Hee hee hee! (81 K)

Homer: If I reveal the secrets of the Stonecutters, may my stomach become bloated and my head be plucked of all but three hairs.
Moe: Um, I think he should have to take a different oath! (95 K)

Salesman: But surely you can't put a price on your family's lives?
Homer: I wouldn't have thought so either, but here we are. (66 K)

Homer: The sum of the square roots of any two sides of an isocoles triange is equal to the square root of the remaining side.
Stranger: That's a right triangle, ya idiot!
Homer: Doh! (80 K)